well well, i'm stuck in this home of mine after my mum went berserk while others are out celebrating rodney's birthday. anyway, Happy Birthday Rod! hope you enjoyed yourself with the rest. i'll be joining you guys later and hopefully i can leave as soon as possible.
my mum has been quite a "good" mother recently. she totally "surprised" me and god, my heart's too weak to take that kinda shock. well, she asked me why i didn't take care of our home and i though: wow! there's actually a home? i thought there's only a room for me in this house. i'm actually part of a home? you see, things weren't like this in the beginning. it was supposed to "a happy family". however, things changed. i no longer feel a sense of belonging in this "home" of mine. how do you expect me to when both of my parents doesn't seem to be around everyday? they just return home late at night and went out to work early in the morning. they cared for me? they think they did just because they gave me pocket money every week. speaking of pocket money, i haven't been claiming them for quite some time because some people are so fucking money-minded and i'm totally tired of even talking about it. i've been paying for most of my things through my own savings, which is going to hit an all-time low. maybe i should get a part-time job and return home late too. then, it will be only my brother at home and thanks for giving him a deprived childhood.
i made a mess at bangkok last week over a pat thai, which is a famous kuay teow dish in thailand. apparently that dish was a bit spicy and it really make me sweat. the worst part was i ran out of tissue and i didn't want to continue with my meal because i would look really ridiculous with my sweat flowing down my face and dripping into my shirt and even the food itself. i didn't want to embarrass both you and me and also not cause other people to lose their appetite upon seeing such a disgusting sight. AND YOU FUCKING SCOLDED AND INSULTED ME FOR THAT!!! remember what you say? you questioned why i sweat so much and you got angry over it. ok, i can't answer you because i don't have the answer to it too. BUT FUCK, YOU GAVE BIRTH TO ME AND YOU ACTUALLY CRITICIZED ME FOR THAT?? YOU'RE MY FUCKING MUM! have you ever since a child being born mentally challenged and the mother calling the child a retard? well, if you have a child like this, i bet you would be the 1st mother to do so. and what did you reply when i said i don't want to eat because my sweat would be dripping all around? "Don't be such a nuisance? You're not any rich gong-zi." ok, thanks for letting me know that i'm poor but that's not the issue. you mean being poor or middle-class i should be deprived of my freedom to actually practise some basic dining etiquette? i should actually eat in an uncivilized manner, sweating like a pig and disgusting everyone around? i'm sorry, i won't do that for you. you can stay that way if you want to but i'm not going to.
well well, i'm feeling quite fucked up now and i need to really control myself emotionally without bringing the high mood down at rodney's birthday celebration later. thank you mum for all your support this years. i guess i had enough.
